On the mission to create/teach/share visual and performing art works that reflect Jesus as Creator and His work of art (Us) as creative! I need to raise support for the Urban Missions internship I am enrolled in! Please sign up to help!
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The past few weeks I’ve been thinking about this one thing a lot. Letting go.
I’ve tried to hold on to this one thing, but what happens when I’m the only one pushing for it? At some point, you’d think I’d see that the other side of this thing isn’t making a whole bunch of an effort. But am I ok with that?
I’ve been wracking my brain trying to understand this. Last night I read something a friend wrote and I feel like I discovered the beginning of freedom. That freedom that comes when your fingers are pried from around the object so you absolutely HAVE to loosen your grip. Well finally after this long, i’m there.
It took me a while. Being hopeful. Wanting to stick around and prove the point that love is hopeful, love endures, love hopes. But the whole time, hurting because only I could see that. It’s time for me to let it be what it is. While that has been one of the hardest things for me, because I feel some form of responsibility if it doesnt work out…i’ve done a good amount to show my care.
Perhaps the “people pleaser” trait has been kicked into high gear within me because I havent been being real and authentic in this area. I’ve been trying to not step on toes and to be nice. As a result, in some ways I have been a coward. Ignoring the fire, in order not to make people upset. Shame.
I’m over it now. And I know the fight will be to remain a coward or to step forward. Always the flesh seeking to keep hidden what Christ desires to be in the light.
The reality is, you show me who you are now. I don’t want to overlook the truth that people go through things, people struggle, people are different, etc. Yes thats true. However, that does not excuse how actions are yelling from the rooftops…and so is wisdom.
It took me a while to say this. Maybe I needed to see. Your claim to be real is a false one. And hey, only Jesus can sweep you off your feet and show you a mirror.
One of my mentors told me one of the greatest reasons why people lash out, are angry, depressed, etc. is because of unresolved grief. The tendency to push things under the rug and rush ourselves to “get over it” and move on. Especially black people. We do not allow ourselves to FEEL how we feel. If we do allow ourselves to feel ANYTHING at all, its anger, grudges, and revenge. We let those types of feelings run our world. I have let those types of feelings run my world. Have you??
I have a song I wrote a while ago called “Meta4”. At the time, it meant ALOT to me because I thought I was ready to mean it. Now I am ready to mean it. I will post it later. And I will include the words here.
Goodbye, you won’t miss my love, that part won’t go away. The thing that will be different is my outlook on your actions and who you tell me you are. I’ll take the cue and believe you. I will no longer dance to a tune I really hope you like, and I really hope you clap for. Does it hurt and has it hurt that you do this? Yes. And I will feel it, and I will process, and I will let it run its course. But slavery no longer.
Notice: This has no relation to my “love life”. lol
The EP (or…the “Snack Pack”)
After forever and a day, I finally got around to recording these 5 songs. In reality I planned on recording 10. But I felt the urge to make it a “Snack Pack”. Why come? Because, I just took 5 sounds/vibes i like, and recorded them. 5 songs and topics that were dear to me, and sang them. I like all 5 of them.
Support the Snack Pack by donating to my missions work here in Philadelphia. http://www.csm.org/donate.php
HURRY! After August 31, 2011, my missions apprenticeship will be over. However, I will supply another way to continue supporting my further mission as an artist! Thanks!
When is it available? August 5, 2011. But until then I wanted to give you a rundown on WHO the 5 songs are, HOW they got here, and WHAT they want.
It’s not quite a meal, but its a little something to express what’s going on in my head. By the time we get to dinner though…things will sound, taste, feel and be cooked to a delectable finish. There will be wonderful sauces, seasonings, and spices to taste. Until then, nibble away.
Who, How, What?
Title: Love & Broken Things
I chose this title because the topic of love has been following me everywhere I go and Jesus won’t let me quit it. So i will not. I wanted to talk about the different aspects of love and the longings, the brokenness, the mending and healing that happens. The fluttering feelings, the confusion, searching and the POWER love has to overcome a multitude of sin. Afterall, Love does fix the broken things. Look at the gospel.
This short collection of songs is very simple. Im a huge fan of bare minimum and acoustic sounds. but not opposed to filling in things and adding some fun. On this one, i wanted to keep it bare.
Tracks & their Bio’s
Image of Me (Exodus 20:22-33, Exodus 32-34)
I wrote this song because I was reading the book of Exodus, amongst other books and my heart was heavy at how every other chapter, Israel would turn back to worshipping themselves and their idols. I saw myself in there. I saw us in there. I saw the love Christ that kept forgiving them. That kept rescuing them. Even after He punished them for their disobedience, then hugged them and wooed them…they did more of the same. The song kind of fell into my lap. It is the first track for a very simple reason. It is my favorite and cuts me the most deeply.
One of the things I do with this song is sing lyrics that are opposite of the almost chipper mood of the track. I want the listener to think I should be singing about sunshine and lollipops but recognize that my lyrics are reflective of the opposite. Precisely how we can be. Outer appearance makes you feel like things are great, but what is really happening is terrible. Deception, to say the least. The hook of the song is the wake up call. I hope it does its job and wakes up on time.
s/o to Dave Hackley and Darius who created the prototype for the track…that i decided to keep. I liked its imperfection.
I wrote this song while walking down the street. All of the songs on this joint were written while strolling down somebodys sidewalk. Can’t help it, thats when the lyrical magic dust starts kickin’ in. Anyway…the song was written because i was thinking about the paint by number activity we used to do. You either had crayons or you had paint. If you had neither, you’d make something up. Its a very abstract song, yet its pretty simple and gets to the point. Basically, the song is about 1, who is the object of someone’s affection.
Now I Know
I thought I knew what life was. Didnt need Jesus, nor His people. I was wrong. Wanted all the wrong things that were empty and just plain dumb. Now I know better. And I want better. This song is CHILLLLLLLLLLLL to the core. Atleast I think so.
Happily Ever After
Again, very simple, ABC song. Basic chords. Some singing and a play on words with some of my favorite things to couple together. A love song. To whomever you’d like to direct it. There are alot of couples around me, books i’m reading, “other” influences, and so on. This one was fun. I added a little something at the end that I usually do to scare people. Haha.
My big brother Darius hooked up the track for me. I was waiting for the trolley one day, and this melody came in my head. So i rushed through the songs on my mp3 player to find the right beat for it and KABLAM!! THERE IT WAS! This song is about love. It’s about the one anothers, and what happens when it is broken. The confusion, the heartache, the desire to fight, the mess made, and wanting to just fix things. It was based on personal experiences and my view from the outside looking into the lives of others. Pretty dear to my heart.
I hope you enjoy it. When its up and out. Pray for the process please. I have begun to write the actual, dare i say it…album. It may sound completely different. As with these 5 songs, I did as artists do…I created what was on my heart at the moment.
But like i said: Enjoy the Snack Pack. When Dinner comes around…My aim is for you to enjoy the fruits of my labor, the labor of others, and the creativity of our Savior through me.
p.s. feel free to shoot questions to me! Be on the lookout for other goodies.
Release: August 5, 2011
That 5plusBonusTrack joint is coming…#ListenOut
Please be in Prayer!! My prayer is that its real and relatable.
Hey! New music! Coming in a few days…you should download it. Its Free. #ListenOut
Friday, August 5, 2011, “Love&BrokenThings”. Free Download. Tell yo’ friends!
Serving at Manna (Metropolitan AIDS Neighborhood Nutrition Alliance) this summer! Hosting a group from Atlanta, named “The Young Gunz”. Manna delivers care and hope by nourishing people at acute nutritional risk due to a life threatening illness. Volunteers and staff work together to provide 3 nutritious meals daily, free of charge.
They serve over 40,000 meals a month.
I know some of you have been keeping up with my blog, and music stuff for a moment now!
The EP should be out soon, and you guys can download it for free. While it is free, I ask that you donate (click link: https://app.etapestry.com/hosted/TheCenterforStudentMission/OnlineDonation.html) to my urban missions fund, as I am fundraising for the year I am serving here at CSM. I want to thank you all who have donated and supported thus far. I appreciate your prayers and support. Even more now than ever, I REALLY need your prayer and financial support as I finish out the last few months. I know many of you were unable to donate financially, and that is fine. Jesus will provide and has provided for His work here in the city. Thank you for checking up on me, being friendly, calling, donating money etc!
I gotta put a goal out there, so here it is! Every penny counts!!
TO DONATE: CLICK THE TOP LEFT LINK! Or this one: https://app.etapestry.com/hosted/TheCenterforStudentMission/OnlineDonation.html
If you wanna know some of what I’m doing, you can check me out here:
Feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org for more info or to sit down and chat!